The Secret Seven convene for yet another meeting.

Part Two Password please!

Jack and Colin entered the shed and took a box each while Peter addressed the meeting.

‘Since we’re all here we’ll start by talking about some issues that I have to raise. When we’ve finished talking we can eat.’

Everyone looked approvingly at the table which stood at the back of the room next to Scamper and George where Pam’s sweets had been added to the rest of the food provided by Peter and Janet’s mother.

‘Apples. Buns. Potted meat sandwiches. Ginger biscuits and cocoa for everyone. A jolly good feast.’ said George.

‘George, I thought I told you last meeting not to do that,’ snapped Peter, ‘We can all see the food without you providing a commentary.’

‘Sorry.’ said George humbly.

‘I have two matters to raise at today’s meeting.’ said Peter, ‘First, I am interested in developing a strategy for establishing the Secret Seven as the Kingdom’s premier child detective unit.’

‘We already are the best.’ said Jack ‘Everyone loves the Secret Seven. Our friend the Chief Inspector said so.’

‘The Chief Inspector was telling fibs.’ said Peter, ‘I read this morning that the Famous Five have just captured a serial rapist and uncovered a heroin smuggling ring in Northern Ireland. They’ve been going after the big fish while the Secret Seven fusses over idiotic small fry like the mystery of the disappearing grapes at the grocery store or that stupid schoolgirl who went missing last year.’

‘I heard that the Famous Five are going to change their name to the Famous Four because Timmy got kicked out.’ said Janet.

‘Timmy didn’t get kicked out, he disappeared.’ said Barbara, ‘I heard that George was ever so upset.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ said Peter impatiently, ‘What I’m saying is that I’m sick of those talentless Kirrin brats stealing the limelight all the time with their trite formulaic adventures while the Secret Seven comes in second best. I want to see the Secret Seven overtake those little inbreds. I want to see us become the number one child detective organisation in England. I want Scotland Yard and MI5 to think Secret Seven, not Famous Five when they need assistance.’

‘We provide a better service than the Five,’ said Jack, ‘We run all year round but they go off to their expensive boarding schools for term time. They must be jolly well off. ’

‘The Famous Five are children of privilege,’ said Peter, ‘They own an island off the coast of Kirrin, a boat, a lighthouse and several properties in London. Every school break they go off to indulge in skiing trips, caravan holidays and other extravagant activities. The Secret Seven, on the other hand is the common man’s Famous Five. We deal with issues which arise in everyday life in an everyday context. We don’t have a beach house we can head off to for the school holidays. We don’t run off and hide on Kirrin Island just because we don’t like the new servant. We don’t throw tantrums because someone stepped on the dog’s tail. We don’t have to deal with sexual identity crises. Yet despite all this we are still seen as the inferior cousins of the Famous Five. I want you all to think about what I’ve said and come back next meeting with some ideas on how we can improve our image.’

Everyone had something to say on this and an animated discussion broke out. Peter rapped on a box with the little gavel he brought to meetings.

‘I have a second serious issue to raise.’ he said, looking sternly around the room. ‘I have been receiving reports that some of you have misunderstood the scope of authority conferred by Secret Seven membership.’ Peter paused. ‘Let me make this clear. Secret Seven membership does not entitle you to forcibly enter private premises when conducting investigations. I also have a report from the local constabulary that last week a person wearing a Secret Seven badge attempted to drive a patrol vehicle out of the police garage. When challenged by an officer on duty, this person apparently said...’ (Peter consulted his notes) ‘Sod off, this is Secret Seven business. Out of my way before I run you over.’

The girls gasped while Colin inspected his bootlaces. Peter put down his notes and glared at him.

‘Colin, what on earth did you think you were doing?’

‘I needed the car,’ said Colin sulkily, ‘I was late for school.’

‘That doesn’t entitle you to a squad car.’ said Peter coldly.

‘That’s not fair!’ said Colin angrily, ‘I’m the only member who doesn’t get any privileges. Jack and George have been using their badges to buy cigarettes and liquor for months and no-one stops them.’

‘Not true.’ said Jack quickly before Peter could turn on him. ‘I gave up smoking last year.’

‘You shouldn’t have been smoking in the first place.’ said Peter sharply, ‘We rely on the goodwill of the local authorities to operate this organisation and we can’t afford to be involved in any breaches of the law of any kind.’ He paused again to allow this to sink in. ‘It would benefit us all if everyone learned to conduct themselves with a little humility. It seems to me that some of you are becoming too big for your boots.’

He banged his gavel down on the box before him. ‘Dismissed.’

‘When’s the next meeting?’ said George anxiously.

‘I am meeting with a PR consultant next month to discuss ways of improving our image.’ said Peter, ‘I don’t see any point in having a meeting before then.’

‘Why can’t we meet just to talk and play games until then?’ said George, ‘Otherwise I won’t have anyone to play with for a month.’

‘Yes. I am aware of your situation,’ said Peter, ‘Well, I don’t see any harm in using this shed as a playroom for all of us until the next meeting.’

‘I’ll bring all my toys and everyone can share them,’ said George eagerly, ‘I’ll bring my collection of Noddy books too if anyone likes to read.’

‘That’s fine.’ said Peter, pleased. ‘There’s one I want to read again where Noddy gets carjacked by the golliwogs.’

‘It’s settled then.’ said Jack, ‘Everyone, bring your favourite games and books and we will meet here again tomorrow.’

‘Don’t forget Lennie’s party tonight.’ said Janet, ‘Everyone’s invited.’

‘Why would Lennie invite the Secret Seven to his party?’ grumbled Peter, ‘Isn’t he the chap at school who refers to us as Peter and the Seven Wankers?’

‘Actually he didn’t invite all of the Secret Seven. He asked Colin and myself to bring the girls,’ admitted Jack reluctantly.

‘Then I shall come and look after Janet,’ said Peter decidedly, ‘George, since you weren’t strictly invited I am afraid you will have to miss out. This shed needs to be swept out if you don’t have anything to do tonight. Well everyone, let’s get ready for that party!’

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