Helpful
tips for laymen and witnesses appearing in the Court for the first time
It has recently been drawn to the Court’s attention that the Court’s
processes are being unduly disrupted by stupid people who are arriving for
hearings unprepared. This document has been prepared for the benefit of persons
appearing in the Court for the first time, particularly as witnesses.
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A witness
is a person who has information which may be useful in a case being heard by
the Court. The witness gives the Court
information (sometimes called evidence) about
what they know. This process is called testifying.
A witness who does not tell the truth is
known as a liar. Not telling the truth in court is wrong and
constitutes an offence. If you are caught giving untruthful testimony,
you could be charged with perjury and
face possible imprisonment. It is
always best to be cautious, so if you are not sure about the difference between
the truth and a lie, seek advice. As a general rule, lies are statements which
make assertions in relation to events which did not actually happen. Lies are
often told by persons with large noses. Please
note that these points are generalisations only and are not a substitute for
qualified legal advice.
If you are called as a
witness in a proceeding of the Kangaroo Court, make sure that you arrive early
and allow yourself extra time to find your courtroom. You may be cross-examined by a barrister (also known as a counsel). You should answer all
questions as truthfully as you can. The opposing
barrister may be a smartarse and ask
tricky questions. You should take your time when giving answers and ask for the
question to be repeated if you did not understand it the first time. Do not
become frustrated or swear at the barrister.
If you are called as an expert witness, make sure that any
evidence you give is relevant to the case at hand. Don’t show off by boasting about how much you
know about your particular topic. This will piss off the judge and waste
everyone’s time.
It is courteous to bow when entering or
leaving the courtroom. The judge should be addressed as “your Honour”. Do not use informal language
such as “mate” or “dude” when speaking to the judge. You should be smartly
attired and have a tidy appearance at all times in the courtroom.
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